Vegan

I am not vegan, but I have been...Does that sound trendy and silly? I battled an eating disorder for many years, food was my best friend and my worst enemy. It was the worst time in my life, and still even today I battle those "voices inside" that tell me certain foods are "bad" or will "make me fat"...I don't wish this disease on anyone especially young women. Food, especially healthy and delicious food is too wonderful not to enjoy. I am now eating a primarily vegetarian diet, and working my way back to veganism. I love healthy eating, and have begun to love cooking healthy vegetarian meals that even my toddlers enjoy. Honestly, the main reason I still eat eggs and fish occasionally is just because it is gifted to us and free. Eating in Hawaii, and other places for that matter is so expensive. Even our farmer's market in town has outrageous prices on produce, they allude to it all being organic, but it is hard to trust here in Kona. You can literally go to our local health food stores for a few items...and walk out spending $50.00 on bread, a can of soup, juice, fruit and some cereal. My hubby and I get angry, which we feel is so counterproductive when buying health food. Stressed after buying our favorite super foods...No.................Still, we try.

If we had a Trader Joe's, a better farmer's market, health food store, anything...it would be a lot easier. I hate to make excuses, but when you are already on a tight budget it is almost impossible to shop only at the healthiest stores. My husband is quite upset at Costco right now. He has a serious food allergy, and has to have some meat in his diet. He also needs a lot of greens. The last two times we shopped at Costco both our lettuce and his free range chicken were rotten within a day or two of bringing them home. We have a garden with kale and chard and a few other yummies, but with the kids, my stepson needing taxi service at all times of the day, my hubby's insane workload as a small business owner, and other daily time suckers we haven't been able to keep up with it as much as we need to. The bugs are taking over, and we can't grab our precious kale and chard fast enough. The climate here is so warm and dry it is hard to grow a lot successfully.

Just one of the reasons we are planning on a new location for living after the stepson graduates in a little over two years. I will speak more of our future plans soon on another post. I am trying though, and that is what matters. Enjoying my healthy meals, the veggies, the fruits and grains, and not feeling guilty or sick about the mystery meat that I am eating or feeding the kids. I have watched one too many documentaries about the meat and dairy industries. I can't get these facts and visuals out of my head...I am thankful that my hubby now gets most all of his meat from a butcher in a town called Honokaa. Free Range, grass fed, local ethical farmers that aren't pumping their animals with similar pills that Lance Armstrong took to bulk up for the Tour de France...for real I tell you!

I didn't really mean for this post to have more than a few words attached to beautiful pictures, but I have been wanting to express my thoughts about it for a bit now. If any girl or boy has issues with food, first, don't, you are too amazing and have too great a life to stress...eat healthy. And if you want someone to vent or chat with email me. I am not a doctor, but someone who has experienced the worst of lows with an eating disorder. I now have a new outlook and appreciation of food, and eating healthy doesn't mean anything bad. You would be amazed at the meals vegan, vegetarian and in general health conscience chefs and everyday people can create. Our body needs food for fuel and energy. When I don't eat enough as a nursing mother I can't function. Here are some pics I was salivating over...and they are all vegan!