Hang in there...

If I had the money I would hire a web designer, if I had a friend that was a web designer I would be begging them with tears streaming down my face for help...I want my blog to go to the next level, but Merdy is pretty much computer and web illiterate. I have wasted hours and gotten nowhere. I am trying though, isn't that what counts???

I will keep trying, and hopefully in the next week my blog will be more suited for 2013.

Missing in Action...

I've been "MIA" since our vacation. We had a great time, but it was exhausting traveling in a car with 2 toddlers, a teen, and me PMSing half the trip. Then we got back and I got sad. Depression is a hard and crippling thing to deal with, and it hit me full circle upon our arrival home. Happy to be home, but sad at the same time because I feel semi-trapped in Kona. It is expensive to fly off island even to visit my grandma on Oahu. Plus with 2 toddler boys it is near impossible. I am a stay at home momma right now, which I would never give up, but I do go stir crazy...I miss working, making my own money, and not worrying every second if my hubby's paycheck is going to cover our living. I miss being social with people my own age. My hubby is the love of my life, but a good deal older as are his friends. They are stellar people, but we grew up in different times. I miss talking pop culture, music, movies, fashion, etc. with people my own age. I try to get my husband grooving to my hip hop, he tries cause he is a trooper, then begs to listen to Jimi Hendrix or Joe Cocker. I got to spend a little time with my best friend Lolo and her daughter which was fantastic, but sad at the same time because we only see each other once a year. I have found it hard to meet other friends or moms my age here...I worked in a tiny coffee shop when I first moved here, worked alone most of the time, then quit to start school online again for my Masters in Teaching, got pregnant, took time off from school to be a mom, then got pregnant again, thus I am home staring at the walls, muttering numbers and the alphabet to my boys, driving my stepson to and from events weekly, bothering my hubby as he tries to work from home, pretending the ladies on the reality shows I watch are my friends, online shopping with money I shouldn't spend, and then feeling content that I have wonderful kids, a lovely husband, etc., but sad at the same time because I need something else in my life. I love to exercise, but it is hard when the boys need my attention every 5 minutes. I tried to create my own jewelry, but got a bit scared...I am trying again, but since I am such an introvert now I am hesitant where to begin. I tried to get out of the pjs, but most days I still have them on at lunch time, workout in them, and slither into surf shorts and t-shirts for the rest of the day. No make-up, just wrinkles is what is see in the mirror, a crooked smile because I am so in love with my family, but looking good makes you feel good and I look a hot mess a lot. Closet full of cute clothes, but why put them on when I barely leave the house? We are hoping to move in 3 years when the stepson graduates, and embark on a new journey. It is so exciting to think of relocating to somewhere on the Oregon Coast, but difficult as well because I wish it were now. I want to live in the moment, but want and doing are two different things...I generally dream of the future rather than live in the moment. Bad trait I have.

I could throw in the towel and admit defeat, but instead I hope to spend the weekend reflecting, researching and getting out of this funk. I want to try my hands at blogging again, going to order an e-course in it. There even may be friends and money to be made! I want to re-think it all and start over, which I think happens a lot in life and to a lot of bloggers. People change careers all the time, right??? So, for now, my boyz, my hubby and I are going to snuggle in bed together, watch the Wizard of Oz and cartoons, have a little slumber party in our guest house that is temporarily empty and enjoy each other. I will check back on Monday, and give deets on my new site, if anyone is out there???? Please be my friend!!! I am good people. XOXO

NO MORE DRAMA

I have struggled to have any sort of relationship with my mom forever. I try to move forward, but as my husband says "Mary it's like chasing windmills..." I wish her the best in life, regardless of the toxicity of our relationship, she birthed me and raised me. Still, toxic relationships are not good for us, and sometimes we must know when to say when. Mary J Blige rocks, and her lyrics are so true. My advice for today...any relationship where you struggle constantly, where you feel more stress than happiness, when you are constantly apologizing for no reason just to appease to that negative person...not a good or healthy relationship. Focus on those happy and positive relationships that make you thankful each and everyday. I am so lucky to have a husband that builds me up not tears me down, and in-laws that accept me for who I am and hug and love me when we are together.

I am leaving on vacation for 2 weeks tomorrow, so my posts may be few...I will try and pop in and take lots of pictures to chronicle the fun we are having....woo hoooooo!!!

Sunday and The Gossip...

Love me The Gossip...and love me this song...Been playing this on repeat today, dancing with my babies, cleaning the house, pure joy when the weather is rainy but humid and hot. And by the way...I have been a stay at home momma for over 3 years and am about ready to "get a job"...

Remember? Nicole Richie Rocks!

This few minute series is so funny...Nicole Richie has great style, a booming fashion empire she is building, 2 adorable little kids, a super rockin' dad, and more than that she is just so hilarious. I like that she doesn't take life or herself too seriously...if you need a quick laugh watch this series on AOL called Candidly Nicole...love it!

God Bless Betsey...

My newest guilty pleasure...XOX Betsey Johnson. She almost lost it all, or did she? Now with the help of Steve Madden she is back...70 years old. She freakin' more than rocks. She doesn't follow the fashion world's rules. She drinks a lot, she flirts even more, she is 70 and still rockin' around doing gymnastic with ponytails and glitter and sequins and tutus. She had a creepy boyfriend named Bobby that she thankfully didn't get back together with. He cried I think. She has Brandon who also rocks. She found the fluffer dress. She has a daughter Lulu who unfortunately I don't think rocks...kind of grates on my nerves, but she does has a few funny friends. Betsey even attends couples counseling with her spoiled and bratty adult child. Did I mention that Betsey Johnson rocks? I almost wore Betsey to my own wedding...such a gourgeous dress that even my husband favored, but I didn't have time to get it altered and the the sizing was just off. I still dream of this dress. I wanted to wear Betsey to prom, but it also just wasn't meant to be. One day I will rock Betsey cuz she rocks. Watch this show...

Music for Sunday

I am digging on this posting of music videos on Sundays...good day to reflect on the week and unwind. I love browsing You Tube...This song was on the radio today. Macklemore is a new artist I really enjoy. He has fun songs and beats, but a lot more to him than that. He has meaning in a lot of his songs, even "Thrift Shop"...be unique and stand out. Why spend a lot of money to look like everyone else...I love this thinking. And he hails from Seattle...right near where I grew up. Love Seattle!

 This song "Same Love" makes me tear up. It does...Happy and sad tears...I believe his words whole-heartedly, and wish everyone else did too. I don't ever want to push my beliefs on others because I do believe people should have freedom of their own beliefs. But, I hate prejudice. I hate (a word I also despise using unless to really prove a point) thinking of anyone on the brink of suicide or worse because of something they can't control. I love my husband to death, and I love that we can be married and walk down the streets holding hands in peace. Others cannot...Kids are killing themselves because of this prejudice. I love being in love with my husband, and I believe anyone should be able to feel that same love with whomever they love. And we should respect them and cheer them on because love is hard. It requires work and patience and compassion and caring and so on and so on. Everyone deserves to be who they were born to be. And love whom they were supposed to love.